Thursday, March 18, 2010

Texas should be kicked out of the Union (for turning education into un-American right-wing propaganda)

Homer: And how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: That's because you were drunk!

Homer: And how.


Historians on Tuesday criticized proposed revisions to the Texas social studies curriculum, saying that many of the changes are historically inaccurate and that they would affect textbooks and classrooms far beyond the state's borders. 

You think? Maybe the historians criticized them because the result isn't history but right-wing propaganda:

The changes, which were preliminarily approved last week by the Texas board of education and are expected to be given final approval in May, will reach deeply into Texas history classrooms, defining what textbooks must include and what teachers must cover. The curriculum plays down the role of Thomas Jefferson among the founding fathers, questions the separation of church and state, and claims that the U.S. government was infiltrated by Communists during the Cold War. 

Clearly, Texas is controlled by un-American elements that are, to a man (and woman), utterly insane -- even if what they're doing fits right in with the current truth-denying direction of American conservatism.

The only viable solution, it seems to me, is for Washington to rid the United States of the massive disease that Texas has become. Let it go, for America's sake as well as for its own. Then it can revise history to its heart's content, a heart flooded with venom.

(Or perhaps, to make some quick cash, Washington could sell Texas to the highest bidder. Maybe a gaggle of Russian oligarchs. Or maybe trade it -- say, to China for Tibet and some significant debt relief, which would be good both for the spirit and for the pocketbook. Or maybe to Spain for Catalonia and the Basque region. Think how much better American cuisine would be if foodie-haven San Sebastian and El Bulli were American -- and how much better American soccer would be with Barça on board. I'd certainly throw in, say, Rachael Ray to make that deal happen. Texas is way too valuable, you say, what with the oil and the cattle and the Dallas Cowboys and all? Fine. Then ask for Majorca, too, along with the collected works of Pedro Almodovar. Still not enough. Then target Javier Bardem and Penepole Cruz, as a couple. They're Oscar winners. America loves them. And they're hot.)

Otherwise, for a country supposedly so devoted to its founding, and that takes its history to be somehow providential, where, as they say, is the outrage?


Simpsons quote, above, from the episode "Secrets of a Successful Marriage," Season 5. It first aired on May 19, 1994.

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  • Being a displaced Texan now living in Atlanta and working in Puerto Rico, I would love to see Texas leave. The cash flow from the gas and oil alone that Texas not only supplies, but explopres and refines, would sustain them for centuries. You can buy your oil and gas elsewhere. Texas would be better off without the burden of all the Federal Taxes that Washington throws at them. We could set up the FairTax and tell DC to kiss our a--.

    Go ahead. Make our day...

    By Blogger James, at 11:03 AM  

  • Just don't come crying back to mama - ever.

    By Blogger Capt. Fogg, at 11:44 AM  

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