Friday, October 14, 2005

Sign of the Apocalypse #21: From Tomkat to Tomkitten

Back on June 18, I posted SOTA #9: Katie Holmes-Cruise, scientologist. To me, the whole Tomkat thing was surely a sign of impending doom, more so even than the emergence of Brangelina (SOTA #7).

Well, now we're up to SOTA #21 -- and it's all gotten so much worse. Tomkat will soon welcome Tomkitten into the world -- yes, Tom and Katie are having a baby.

What's worse, Tomkitten will be a Scientology baby delivered by means of Scientological birth, or "silent birth". What the hell does this mean? Here's how Slate's Dana Stevens puts it in an absolutely hilarious (and, in its own way, quite terrifying) review (loaded with side-splitting Scientological jargon) of this major development in the world of the celebrity-industrial complex:

In his book Preventive Dianetics, Hubbard elaborates on the goal of this practice: Apparently pretending to all concerned that pushing a human being out your coochie is not only painless, but downright relaxing, will "save both the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go." Furthermore, L. Ron goes on to admonish, "the maintaining of silence does not mean a volley of 'sh's,' for those make stammerers." After a delivery that's "as calm and no-talk as possible," the baby should "be wrapped somewhat tightly in a warm blanket, very soft, and then left alone for a day or so." This strategy of non-care may be convenient for parents with promotional junkets and postpartum photo-ops to attend...

I can't go on. There's just so much wrong here and I'm hoping to go into the weekend in a good mood. But be sure to read Stevens's typically astute piece for a devastating deconstruction of the whole Cruise-Holmes nonsense.

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For those of you who are new to The Reaction, check out the right sidebar for links to previous Signs of the Apocalypse. They're sure to amuse, disturb, and eat away at your faith in humanity -- assuming that you have any left.

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