Upstart Finland squad crushes globally hegemonic American Empire at obscure Russian outpost called Sochi

By Michael J.W. Stickings

Yes, it was a thorough drubbing, 5-0, with the Finns led by veteran future Hall of Famer Teemu Selanne, who had two goals, and goalie Tuukka Rask, one of the best around, who recorded the shutout.

Thanks for coming out, America. Some effort might have been nice.

Teemu Selanne and the Finns win the bronze medal game against the U.S.

Actually, the Finns were solid all tournament, taking Canada to overtime in the preliminary round (making few mistakes and playing a great defensive game) before losing 2-1, beating Russia 3-1 in the quarterfinals, and losing 2-1 to Sweden in a close semifinal match (though they didn't play all that well) before today's blowout of the U.S. (And, yes, that's two straight shutouts for the U.S.)

They're a good team that was under the radar heading into Sochi and they might have done even better had it not been for injuries to some key forwards, like center Mikko Koivu.

Indeed, given their inability to generate much offence against Canada and Sweden, putting up five goals against the Americans was quite something, even if the fast-paced, free-wheeling style of the U.S. tends to allow lots of goals by the opposition when the goaltending isn't in absolute top form, and of course the U.S. performance was rather lackluster in any event following yesterday's loss to Canada in the semis.

Anyway, well done, Finland.