He's a Senator -- And a dessert topping!

By J. Thomas Duffy

Well, Well, Well ...

He's a Senator and a dessert topping ...

Word today is that presidential hopeful Senator John McCain broke out with a campaign vaudeville act, cracking jokes at a campaign event here in Boston, but, unfortunately (for the audience), there was no hook to pull him off stage.

From Steve Benen, at The Carpetbagger Report:

I thought of these this morning after watching a clip ThinkProgress posted from a McCain campaign event in Boston. The senator, apparently doing a stand-up routine, didn’t get too much laughter with this material:

"If anyone has any doubts about my age, please spend some time with my mother. I want to tell you that last Christmas, she decided she wanted to drive around France, so she landed in Paris, went to rent a car, they said she was too old, so she bought a car and drove around France. And she’ll be 96 in just a few days. […]

"So, I'm compelled to tell the story of the two inmates in the state prison in the chow line. And one of them turned to the other one and said, 'The food was a lot better in here when you were governor.' (polite chuckles) That's not a joke you can tell in some states in America. […]

"[After introducing former Sen. Phil Gramm of Texas], and from the great state of South Carolina, Sen. Lindsey Graham. After this meeting, if you’d like to talk to senator, either senator Graham, we will provide translators for any of you that need to, find them hard to understand. I find them hard to — anyway…

"Do you know the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum-sucking bottom-dweller and the other is a fish. And so there goes the lawyer joke, the lawyer vote again. I thank all of you for being here."

At which Benen then ponders, "I'm trying to imagine what the reaction would be if Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama, campaigning in 'liberal Massachusetts,' mocked people with Southern accents and suggested his audience might need interpreters to understand those from South Carolina."

Well, I have both written for comics, as well has having a brief period of time doing stand-up, so, let's give "Here's Johnny Boy" some new material to work with.

Many a comic, especially starting out, may choose to aim the humor at themselves, put themselves inside the jokes, you know, self-depreciating humor.

So, run with these "Here's Johnny Boy", I think you're audience will love'em ...

What's the difference between a real banker and Charles Keating?

The banker takes your money and gives you a receipt ... Keating gives you money and doesn't want a receipt.

How many Charles Keatings does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None -- He'd rather do his fraud business in the dark.

And since "Here's Johnny Boy" likes to sing little, humorous ditties, let's give him a new one, inspired from the Jazz Classic, Dave Brubeck's "Take Five" (we must, after all, keep in theme and commemorate The Keating Five).

And, yes, the song did have lyrics...

Though I'm going out of my way
Just so I can pass the CYA Law of the day
Not a single word do we say
It's meant to cover-up Keating's pay-and-play

Stick to jumping sharks, Here's Johnny Boy, at least, until the Writer's Strike is settled and you can hire some pro's ...

Take my campaign ... Please!











Bonus Here's Johnny Boy McCain Riffs

Barry Crimmins: Rhymes with 'disdain'

Johann Hari: Don't be fooled by the myth of John McCain


Bonus Soundtrack

Dave Brubeck - Take Five