"I'll be there for you / When the rain starts to pour..."

By Michael J.W. Stickings

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, left, welcomes his Venezuelan counterpart, Hugo Chavez, to Tehran." (photo: The Globe and Mail)

In case you were wondering, here's part of their conversation:

Hugo: Look, Mahmoud, I can make this coin disappear.

Mahmoud: You are a man of many talents, Hugo. You know what I can make disappear?

Hugo: What's that, my friend?

Mahmoud: Homosexuals. There aren't any in this country. We execute them.

Hugo: Ha-ha. I love your sense of humour. So dry.

Mahmoud: No, Hugo, I'm being serious.

Hugo: Oh, okay. Sure. You know what I'm making disappear in my country?

Mahmoud: Homosexuals?

Hugo: No, no, not them, not so much.

Mahmoud: What then?

Hugo: Democracy!

Mahmoud: Ah! Yes! Very good!

Hugo: I won an election, you know.

Mahmoud: Hey, so did I. We're both democratic.

Hugo: Yes, of course we are! Ha-ha! Democratic revolutionaries!

Mahmoud: Do you ever read those -- oh, what are they called? -- web logs?

Hugo: Blogs? Yes, sometimes.

Mahmoud: I read one, by some guy in Canada, who said you're using salami tactics to seize more and more power. That's how he describes your revolution.

Hugo: Yes, yes. I know that one. La reacción. I hate that blog.

Mahmoud: So do I. He says mean things about me. They're all so mean!

Hugo: They don't like Bush, though.

Mahmoud: Bush, huh. Stupid idiot. But he's good for me. He's turning my people against the West.

Hugo: Same with me, my friend, same with me. Besides, look what he's doing to his country.

Mahmoud: Yes, I respect him, in a way.

Hugo: Yes, I know what you mean. Just don't say that publicly!

Mahmoud: Of course not! Never! Now, off we go, please. Let me tell you about our energy program, the one that has Bush shitting his pants.

Hugo: You're a good man, Mahmoud.

Mahmoud: Thank you, Hugo. It's mutual.

Hugo: Down with America!

Mahmoud: Down with America!