Bachmann: Cheap gas for everyone!

By Michael J.W. Stickings

Michele Bachmann is standing by her $2 gasoline pledge:

"Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come down below $2 per gallon again.

"The price of gasoline the day that Barack Obama took office was $1.79 a gallon," she said in the Times account. "If the price of gasoline was $1.79 a gallon just two and three years ago, certainly we can get it back down to that level again. Why wouldn't we be able to do that? We're a 'can-do' America."

As in, we can convert every single homosexual to Christian fundamentalist heterosexuality (while shoving the rest into the deepest recesses of the closet). You know, that sort of thing.

Because, of course, it's all Obama's fault. Everything. Is it raining where you are today? Obama's fault. Duh.

Not that Obama isn't a "can-do" sort of guy. I mean, he used his "can-do" moxie to save American capitalism from itself, didn't he? You know, the plutocrats getting rich fucking America.

It's just that Obama doesn't necessarily want to rape the environment into oblivion or deplete the country's long-term energy reserves for the sake of short-term savings.

And if Bachmann wants cheap gas, why not promote high fuel-efficiency standards? Or electric cars? Or some other alternative? And why not renewable energy to get America off its addition to oil?

Oh no, she prefers to try to suck people in with her cheap right-wing demagoguery.

In related news, if I'm ever elected president, I'll give a magic unicorn to every man, woman, and child across the land!

Seriously.