When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie...

By Michael J.W. Stickings

That's... totalitarianism?

Yup, North Korea now has pizza, among other Italian delicacies, available at a new ristorante in Pyongyang:

It has taken almost 10 years of work, but North Korea has acquired the technology to launch a project very dear to its leader's heart - the nation's first "authentic" Italian pizzeria.

The launch of Pyongyang's first Italian restaurant meanwhile brings to fruition a ten-year effort by Kim Jong-il -- a renowned gourmand and lover of western food -- to create the perfect pizza and pasta in his homeland.

Last year a delegation of local chefs was sent by Kim to Naples and Rome to learn the proper Italian techniques after their homegrown efforts to mimic Italian cuisine were found by Kim to contain "errors".

Umm... errors? Like cilantro instead of oregano? Or was the crust not stuffed properly?

In the late 1990s Kim brought a team of Italian pizza chefs to North Korea to instruct his army officers how to make pizza, a luxury which is now being offered to a tiny elite able to afford such luxuries in a country that cannot feed many of its 24 million inhabitants.

Despite the food shortages high-quality Italian wheat, flour, butter and cheese are being imported to ensure the perfect pizza is created every time.

Yeah, I'm sure it's perfection incarnate. Good totalitarian eats!

As for the North Korean people, well, they're dying of starvation anyway. As long as Dear Leader Kim's ego is satisfied, that's really all that matters.

Seriously, he really is one of the world's most loathsome little shits, madness incarnate in a land gone mad.