President Jesus

By Capt. Fogg

"but these are the days of advance, the works of the men of mind..."

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson -

If there really is some kind of anthropomorphic God who watches what we do, then perhaps all we really are here for is to be the cosmic equivalent of some crappy, low budget network sitcom designed to entertain the tired old deity, sitting on some beer stained couch in his underwear after a long day on the loading dock, eating cheese doodles and slapping his hairy thighs as the buffoon, Mike Huckabee, tells us that the problem with the United States is that we aren't religious enough.

[T]he winds of spiritual change in a nation that has forgotten its God,

is what he calls the wholly-invented increase in violent crime that such charlatans have always invoked. That's the ticket. That's why there are criminals, that's why young people sometimes snap; they're not groveling and speaking in babble and contributing to people like Huckabee. Our very practice of freedom is a sin.

Obviously God, an unemployable, inarticulate sociopath himself, has been expressing his displeasure with our "sin" by prompting, à la Charles Manson, young people to go on murder sprees because he's forgotten how to inspire prophets or write on walls and he lost the remote some time ago.

Anyway, the nitwit ramblings of Huckabee fit into an age old pattern of blaming any damned thing you please on "sin" and lack of contributions to preachers - anything of course but the sins of preachers themselves. Plague, drought, rain, wind, crop failures or toads falling from the sky -- it's all because we dare to take direction from sources other than that oldest and most nefarious of professions -- the preacher.

Government, says Mr. Reagan lite, doesn't have the answers, unless of course Mike is elected and replaces our birthright of religious freedom with a Jesus Christ-based version of Christian Sharia and then of course the peaceable kingdom will be free of all crime, illness, bad weather or unpredictable geological events. History certainly teaches us that such is always the case, or at least it does to the mindless morons and ignorant idiots that support this embarrassingly incompetent humbug.

This nation was designed to be the first in the world whose government had no religious connection. It was a bold experiment designed to let individual thought develop unfettered. In this light, Mike Huckabee stands revealed as a traitor to the cause of freedom, a willful deluder of men; deceiver, illusionist, liar. That he has a chance of election in any nation were people wear clothes and don't eat each other very often is a disgrace and the only winds of change he represents is the breeze you feel when you've been tricked into walking off a cliff. Are we going to actually vote for a man who insists he's here to replace the legitimate government of the United States with Jesus Christ according to Huckabee? Are we actually not going to prosecute someone who opposes the sovereignty of the American people; who hints that people should be forced to tithe to churches? Is there no tar, are there no feathers, no rails?

(Cross-posted from Human Voices.)