Headline of the Day (Paris Hilton edition)

By Michael J.W. Stickings

It's being covered everywhere -- including (of course) at CNN, which has proven over and over again that it just can't get enough of this sort of madness (think OJ and, more recently, ANS), and TMZ, which at least knows what it's all about and doesn't pretend to be anything else -- but the best headline comes from my friend and colleague Shaun Mullen at TMV:

Paris Hilton Bawls Her Way Out of an L.A. Celebrity Slammer

Yes, that pretty much sums it up. But Shaun, who is a fine writer, deserves to be quoted:

Paris Hilton has finally done it to me. She has so outraged my sensibilities that here I am blogging on this sack of celebrity excrement instead of analyzing every jot and tittle of the presidential race.

As everyone but those hundreds of tortured souls rotting in Gitmo surely know by now, the hotel heiress was streeted only five days into her 23-day sentence (already reduced from 45 days) in a celebrity lockup for repeatedly driving drunk.

The reason: Paris couldn’t sleep and had become a sniveling mess. She will serve the rest of her sentence at home with a tracking device attached to her ankle.

Excrement, of course, deserves to be flushed. But what to do about a society that worships at the altar of such excrement? Ah, there's the real problem.