Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Breaking! ... Groundhog sees Palin's shadow, predicts winter through 2012

By J. Thomas Duffy

The first signs of something gone awry came on Punxsutawney Phil's new Twitter account;

Eek! A horrifying shadow!

Stunning his handlers, from the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, as well as tens-of-thousands of fans and spectators who make the pilgrimage to this tiny Pennsylvania berg, the infamous prognosticating groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, saw the shadow of the abdicating, half-term former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, which spelled out we are in for winter, extending through 2012.

"This is terrible, just terrible," offered club president Bill Deeley, adding "we've never had anything like this happen before."

Reports indicate that other club members, as well as an untold number in the crowd, closest to Punxsutawney Phil , apparently also saw, what appeared to be, the likeness of Palin.

Deeley went on to say that "I hope this isn't that O'Keefe kid, or one of his friends, trying to pull a stunt... Or that Andrew Breitbrat guy, sending someone here ..."

William Kristol, the person who first promoted last years' losing Vice Presidential candidate, thought "it would wonderful for the groundhog to see Sarah Palin."

Maybe, the day after she gets elected President, in 2012, the sun will come out."

A spokesperson for the National Weather Service declined comment, stating, "We need to look at this more closely."

At the White House, a team of both administration personnel, as well as scientists, were abruptly dispatched to Punxsutawney, to investigate the claim further.

Peter Orszag, the President Obama's Director of the Office of Management and Budget was devastated by the news.

"We just released our budget and, now, that's all out the window."

Orszag indicated that most of the budget will have to recalculated, to take into account the loss of crops, and jobs, from the extended period of cold, snow, and ice, as well as the potential for catastrophic healthcare needs.

"We're talking about almost two-years of being in a deep freeze ... That's unprecidented, no government in our history has had to contend with something like this."

Palin, an undeclared candidate for President in 2012, and, under fire for using PAC money to make bulk purchases of her own book, said, through a spokesperson, that she welcomes the news.

"Snow and cold, youbetcha ... That be some good huntin' and dogsleddin' weather."

The Palin spokesperson added that "the governor was, no way, near Punxsutawney today", and immediately cast suspicion, blaming the prolonged winter, on White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanual.

Bonus Punxsutawney Phil Riffs

Ker Than - Groundhog Day & Punxsutawney Phil: Facts Behind Forecast

Chris Gaylord: Groundhog Day: PETA wants to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robot

Altoona Mirror Editorial: Hey, PETA: Don’t bother Punxsy Phil

Bonus Bonus: Punxsutawney Phil On The Garlic

Groundhog Lied; Investigation Launched

Breaking News! ... Bush Administration To Tap Punxsutawney Phil To Bolster Foreign Policy ...Gobbler's Knob Appearance Tomorrow Will Be Last For Famous Prognosticator

More Discord In The White House ...White House At Odds With Groundhog Hire, Handlers Over Cheney Shooting ...Bush Said To Be "Livid, As Famous Prognosticator 'Never Tipped Us Off"; UK's Blair Said To Be Frantic For Direction

Breaking News! Bush Sees Shadow; Another Year of Lawbreaking Predicted ...Oval Office Event Draws Thousands; Top Hat and Tails, and an Outcome "Just Like The Movie"

Breaking News! Groundhog Sees Obama's Shadow

(Cross Posted at The Garlic)

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