Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Pat Robertson goes all Angel Heart on Haiti

By J. Thomas Duffy

Quite the awful, terrible, horrific disaster going on in Haiti.

Good thing The Commander Guy is out-of-office, otherwise there'd probably be a massive airlift bringing the Haitians to the New Orleans Convention Center so they could wait for some help.

And we come to expect things.

Like chest-thumping network news anchors "dropping in" to do live stand-ups of repeating their bleatings over-and-over, punctuated by "that's absolutely correct." Brian Williams and the NBC Survivor Team all were throwing around the word "absolutely" so much, I half expected to find out they were sponsored by the vodka company.

Another expectation is for former Republican candidate for president, and raving lunatic, Pat Robertson, to go off the rails and start spouting the events of the alternate universe playing inside his head.

Take it away Pat, courtesy of Think Progress:

Today on his 700 Club television show, Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson highlighted the tragedy and said that his network will be there “to help the people.” However, he then tried to offer an explanation for the earthquake, blaming Haiti’s own people for once making a “pact to the devil”:

ROBERTSON: [S]omething happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. Napoleon the Third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, “We will serve you if you get us free from the prince.” True story. And so the devil said, “OK, it’s a deal.” They kicked the French out, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free.

But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor. That island of Hispaniola is one island. It’s cut down the middle, on the one side is Haiti, on the other side is the Dominican Republic. The Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island.

They need to have, and we need to pray for them, a great turning to God. And out of this tragedy I’m optimistic something good may come. But right now, we’re helping the suffering people and the suffering is unimaginable.

(GottaLaff, over at The Political Carnival, has the video.)

Now, you think he would have been happy with just the earthquake.

He's been wishing earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, hurricanes, mixing in trying to hire assassins, calling on God to "smite" this one or that one, on so many people who have different points of view than his, that when one comes along, he could have just left it with an "I told you so."

Ahhh, but that "Louis Cyphre," he's a tricky fellow.

I think something else was going on here.

This is what must have happened:

Netflix screwed up and sent Robertson Angel Heart, rather than Angels With Dirty Faces , and once the scene with Epiphany Proudfoot, played by the steamy, sultry Lisa Bonet, came to the "racy nude and sex scenes," well, Robertson got all hopped up and happy-in-the-pants, and went to bed thinking, actually, dreaming, hoping, that he was Johnny Favorite.

Naturally, he woke up, how should we say, at attention, popped in the DVD for another view of his beloved Epiphany Proudfoot just before showtime and, Ta-Da, he pays his dues by giving old Louis Cyphre his star turn.

If not, get this man on lots, and lots, of Seroquel.

Bonus Pat Robertson Loony Tunes

Wonkette: Pat Robertson Does Usual Pat Robertson Thing Following Natural Disaster

Juan Cole: Pat Robertson's Racist Blaming of Haitian Victims; and the Televangelist Misuse of History

John Cook: Thousands Dying Because Haitian Slaves 'Swore a Pact with the Devil' for Their Freedom


Amanda Terkel: Shep Smith hits Robertson’s ‘devil’ comments: The people of Haiti ‘don’t need that’ at a time like this

Bonus Bonus

Breaking News! Robertson Held For Questioning In Falwell Death ... Threats Against Chavez, Sharon Make 700 Club Founder 'Person of Interest'

Robertson May Have, Inadvertently, Caused Hajj Stampede Deaths ...Was Working On New Material For Bush Video Blitz, Testing New Curses and Condemnations

White House Meets With Robertson; Plan Video Blitz ...Controversial Minister To Produce Al Qaeda-type Videos, Promising Death and Destruction, To Counter Bin Laden's

(Cross-posted at The Garlic.)

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