We couldn't resist

By J. Thomas Duffy

Okay, one quick one ...

We will have more (oh, such a nice New Year's gift) on Mark "God made me who I am" McGwire, and his ridiculous, sobbing, ego-boasting interview, on his belated admission that he was a lying cheater and steroid user.

With McGwire's constant referencing of "God," his "God-given talents," "the Man upstairs," and "the talents God gave me," well, we half expected to hear this in the background:

Luther Barnes & The Red Budd Gospel Choir - My God Can Do Anything

Then what came to mind is another all-powerful ego entity: Chuck Norris.

And, there's the hysterical Chuck Norris Facts.

So, with a nod to the lads at CNF, we couldn't resist, and have replaced "Chuck Norris" with "Mark McGwire": 

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Mark McGwire.

Mark McGwire doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Mark McGwire has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Mark McGwire.

Mark McGwire does not sleep. He waits.

Mark McGwire is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right arms.

Mark McGwire is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Mark McGwire counted to infinity -- twice.

When Mark McGwire does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

If you spell Mark McGwire in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Mark McGwire' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Mark McGwire can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Mark McGwire doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Mark McGwire can slam a revolving door.

Mark McGwire does not get frostbite. Mark McGwire bites frost.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Mark McGwire hit a homerun.

(Cross-posted at The Garlic.)