Tuesday, October 13, 2009

It's turquoise watch for The Loofah Man

By J. Thomas Duffy

The Grand Ayatollah of Ignorant Dolts is in the news (well, that's not really news) today, but for a celebratory reason.

It's the 5th Anniversary of his lecherous sexual harassment lawsuit!

The Smoking Gun has a hall-full of goodies for the occasion;

O'Reilly Falafel Suit Turns Five ... Fox News star's pervy sex fantasies, boasts just never get old

OCTOBER 13--Happy anniversary, Bill O'Reilly! On this date five years ago, the Fox News Channel host was named in a sexual harassment lawsuit brimming with lurid details about vibrators, phone sex, threesomes, masturbation, Caribbean shower fantasies, a Thai sex show, falafel, stewardess trysts, vehicular coupling, and Al Franken. The New York State Supreme Court lawsuit filed by Andrea Mackris, a former Fox News producer, quoted O'Reilly verbatim and at length, leaving readers to believe that the TV star's dirty soliloquies were surreptitiously recorded (an impression reinforced when the lawsuit was settled within two weeks). A copy of Mackris's complaint, drafted by lawyer Benedict Morelli, can be found below. Time has not robbed the document of any of its page-turning entertainment value.

You can go to The Smoking Gun post to read the entire complaint.

And check out John Cook over on Gawker:

Happy Bill O'Reilly Loofah Day!

Everyone celebrates Loofah Day in their own way, but we like to pull out the sacred text and read aloud from its most memorable and moving passage—a transcript of O'Reilly's late-night 2004 monologue to Mackris, delivered during the Republican National Convention, while he was watching a porno:

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel [sic] thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business....

And, a good zinger:

Mackris doesn't need to work, apparently, but in her free time, she is a member of the contemporary council at the Contemporary Art Museum of St. Louis and "volunteers at Planned Parenthood." Living well is the best revenge, but helping people get abortions when the guy who kept trying to get in your pants hates abortions is awesome, too.

We'll have to check out Newshounds (they watch Fox News so you don't have to) later on to see if O'Reilly remembered -- maybe have a turquoise loofah on the desk or something.


Bonus Links

John Amato: Andrea Mackris said Falafel Boy O’Reilly was going to pay a personal visit to her

Alexander Cockburn: What Happened to O'Reilly's Loofa?

Salon: Every which way but loofah ...Inside the Bill O'Reilly sexual harassment lawsuit

O'Reilly Gears Up Next War; Says Will Battle To Save "Little Christmas" ... Calls For New Laws and Mandatory Fines; Doesn't Hesitate To Make Up False Charges To Broadcast His Point

Bill O'Reilly Exclusive! Black People Go To Restaurants ... And They Eat!

(Cross-posted at The Garlic.)

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