Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Bob Dole for the new millennium

By J. Thomas Duffy

So, Johnnie McCain survives in the Sunshine State, besting Make-Up Mitt, Rudy911 and The Huckster.

Or, as Melissa McEwan put it, over at Shakespeare's Sister:

As Petulant mentioned in his Morning Readings, John "The Defaultinator" McCain took the all-important GOP Florida primary yesterday, eking out another win on the basis of merely not being a cross-dressing philanderer, a lying dog-torturer in magic underpants, or a virulently misogynist theocrat. Way to be the least objectionable specimen in a barrel of worm-infested apples, McCain! A hearty congrats from all your fans at Shakesville.

The prediction, according to the babbling talking heads last evening, is that the GOP will, slowly, begin to stand in line behind Johnnie Boy, for he, with his war heroism, deep Senatorial experience, and, by gosh, his Come-Back-Kid determination, is the only one, the gallant RNC soldier-in-shining-armor who can take on the Dragon Hillary.

The GOP, for many reasons, is on their knees every night, praying for a Hillary-McCain showdown.

It will be the 1990s all over again, with needing little more than to pull out the Clinton Bashing box from the archives.

If you were, during the South Carolina Primary, confused as to which Clinton was running, wait'll a general election of McCain-Hillary ... You'll have a clearer vision looking through the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle ...

For, if they get Obama, it will be the Kennedy-Nixon Debate every single day of the campaign, McCain tripping over his Father Time beard, a skeletal-dust-filled suit laying in front of the voting stations by the time election day rolls around.

The youth and exuberance, the oratory skills, of Obama will paint the Straight Talk Express bus into a hearse, McCain's campaign posters into The Picture of Dorian Gray.

And that's just the visuals.

McCain's going to have an arduous campaign, having to carry The Commander Guy on this back throughout.

It will be hope, and rebuilding America's integrity, versus the 100-year war candidate.

No doubt, the McCain crew is already starting to put the bus in reverse, and will frame McCain's hawkish embrace of the Bush Doctrine as a Korea-like, policing mission.

Good luck, and order some neck braces.

Driving in reverse for so long a period of time is surely to cause some discomfort.

Hmmm ... Didn't Bob Dole have his own bag of war heroism, and his own deep Senatorial experience?

If Dole isn't plagued by raging hard-ons, maybe, just maybe, the GOP will really reach into the "It's Your Turn" bag and match up Dole with Johnnie for another run at it, punching the All-Time, Grand OLD Party ticket ...

To steal from The Commander Guy ... Bring 'em on!

Bonus Johnnie Boy Riffs

Barry Crimmins: Whispering John's big night

ABC News: High School Student to McCain: You're No Leader

Arianna Huffington: Those Were the Days: Bush and McCain Use 9/11 Nostalgia to Sell the Surge

McCain Sings: "Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran," At Campaign Stop

McCain Calls For MoveOn.Org To Be "Thrown Out of the Country"

McCain says he wants to shoot Osama


John McCain & Miss Teen SC on Economics

(Cross-posted at The Garlic.)

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