Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: How Barry Bonds Celebrated Breaking Hank Aaron's Homerun Record Last Night

By J. Thomas Duffy

News Item: Bonds Sets Baseball's Home Run Record; Giants Slugger Passes Aaron With No. 756

10. Delay in ceremony, as crowd had to wait for Bonds to take other steroids that would make him happy

9. Flexing his muscles for the news media registered on local San Francisco seismographs

8. Blew out the 756 candles on the giant cake with the slightest, softest little puff

7. Team announced, in honor of the accomplishment, changing name to San Francisco Barry Bonds

6. Instead of teammates carrying him on shoulders, Bonds carried teammates on his

5. Jumbo screen congratulations video from Hank Aaron caused crowd to gasp - Bonds' head was bigger

4. Feat brought Bonds to tears; Grounds crew had to scurry out to place tarp on field, causing 30-minute delay

3. Instead of his family or teammates, Bonds lifted and hugged AT&T Park

2. With his incredible strength, jumped from 1st base into McCovey Cove

1. Announced, with new, and future Human Growth Hormones, promises to hit another 756 homeruns

Bonus Links

Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA

Politics and Sports Collide; Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush

Second Palmeiro Bombshell: Tests Positive For Cialis

(Cross-posted at The Garlic.)

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