Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The solution to gun violence: a bunch of macho posturing on the internets

By Heraclitus

So, gentle reader, what the fuck? More specifically, what the fuck is up with my co-blogger, Michael Sticklings? At first I thought his post below was really good -- thoughtful, eloquent, forceful. But then after reading some of the comments, I realized, hell, no, it's not good. The proper response to this tragedy is to blame the liberals and, especially, the victims, those pansy-ass bitches who let themselves get all shot and killed and bullshit like that (and you know they were all liberals, because, seriously, no conservative would let that happen to him). And, above all, we need a lot more expressions of the ragingest of castration anxieties on blogs, about how I would have totally killed that little bitch because I'm such a fucking bad-ass. Like me, for instance -- if I had been there, I would have just flexed my awesome pecs and walked up to him. That little bitch's bullets would have been bouncing off my chest like little kernels of popcorn (which only chicks and liberals eat, by the way). Then I would have grabbed him with one hand, picked him up over my head, and thrown him through a blackboard or something. Then when he was stuck in the wall, his legs kicking comically, I would have said something really cool and witty, like I always do, like, I don't know, "Class dismissed," or "You fail," only something better than that (from all the adrenaline). Then I totally would have scored with like half the cheerleaders on campus.

Better yet, we could have had guns all over the place. Every seat in a lecture hall should have a Gatling gun mounted to it. Don't like that panty-waist liberal professor up there, droning on about all kinds of commie bullshit like the French Revolution and geology? Blow his bitch ass away!! What these faggotty little liberals need to realize is that when everyone's armed, there's no violence. Look at fuckin' Iraq. Everyone there's got weapons, bombs, all kinds of shit, and it's a total success story, perfectly safe, no matter how many lies the MSM tries to ram down our throats. I mean, surely we can trust the people who brought us Iraq and keep insisting it's a success to make all our policy decisions, right?

Some people don't see it that way. Not surprisingly, they're losers and, even worse, women. Like this Amanda Marcotte person, who totally killed Vince Foster but then got pardoned by Clinton. Responding to John Derbyshire's comments about how those little liberal pansies should have rushed the gunman, Marcotte says:

The whole mythology leading up to the Derb’s comment is that feminists have “feminized” the culture and softened young men so that they aren’t capable of chivalric acts any longer. And only those who reject women’s equality, like the Derb, have the huevos to sit around in their terrycloth robes writing about how they’d totally act like heroes in movies if given the chance. Luckily, such resistance fighters against feminism carefully make sure not to enlist in the military to put that to the test. Maybe if we ridded the military of the feminizing presence of women they’d join? Let’s not try that experiment and find out.

Shows what you know, feminazi. The problem isn't with women's equality (though that totally sucks and is wrong and needs to be turned back before it destroys us all). The problem is with these wimpy little scientists! They've spent all this time working on things like a cure for cancer and a polio vaccine (and, hey, we're still waiting on those, geniuses!!). More than anything, of course, they've been working on their evilution and global warming hoaxes. But all along they should have been working on turning us all into guns!!! Then everything would be safe and sound; if we were all just guns, things like this would never happen. And, don't look now, but guns don't get cancer, bitchez!!! Just goes to show you, once again, that conservative ideas are all-around better than liberal ones.

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