Ejaculating sacred sperm into the Gulf of Mexico America: Using satire to ridicule Republican stupidity

By Michael J.W. Stickings 

Looks like that whole "Gulf of America" thing that was understandably arousing so much outrage and ridicule was just satire all along. Here's ThinkProgress with the before and after:

Before 

Mississippi State Rep. Steve Holland, a Democrat, introduced a bill in the state's lower chamber calling for the part of the Gulf of Mexico that borders his state to be renamed the "Gulf of America." A local Latino GOP organization called on Holland to withdraw the measure. "If this bill passes the legislature and is signed into law, perhaps it is time to rename the Mississippi River," wrote Bob Quasius, Café Con Leche's president, in the letter. "After all, sharing a name with a state that wants to rewrite maps out of disdain for Mexicans would be a disgrace to the rest of the nation."

After 

It was satire! The lawmaker, Rep. Steve Holland, tells Mississippi Public Broadcasting's Daniel Cherry that he was just making a point, reports NPR:

Holland told Daniel that so many of his Republican colleagues seem to want to push anything or anyone Mexican out of the state that he's just trying to "embrace" their cause and help them out. In other words, he’s introduced a bill that he thinks will make a satirical point by being outrageous.

Well played, Mauer Mr. Holland. Point well taken.

**********

In Oklahoma, Sen. Constance Johnson did much the same with her hilarious "sacred sperm" amendment to that state's "personhood" legislation being pushed by Republicans:

To poke fun at the absurdity of the measure, Oklahoma state Sen. Constance Johnson (D), has tacked on a provision affirming — in the words of a famous Monty Python song — that every sperm is sacred:

State Senator Constance Johnson of Oklahoma City has served Oklahoma's 48th Senate District since 2005, but it was yesterday's introduction of Senate Bill 1433 that really pushed her over the edge. The bill sought to define human life as beginning at the moment of conception, before it's even implanted in the womb, and offers full legal protection to those tiny multicelled lumps. In the words of the bill, "the unborn child at every stage of development (has) all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state."

Johnson submitted an amendment of her own to the bill, which would have added the language, 

However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.

Among other things, Johnson's amendment would essentially outlaw oral sex, anal sex, and masturbation. Were it not a satirical bill, it would almost certainly be deemed unconstitutional.

Once again, very well played.

Around the world: Poland, Mexico, Japan, and Nepal

By Michael J.W. Stickings

With the U.S. celebrating its independence over the weekend, let's begin the week with a quick look at some interesting international stories (something we haven't done in quite some time):

1) Poland: Acting President Bronislaw Komorowski has moved ahead of Jaroslaw Kaczynski in what is a very close run-off presidential election -- at last check, it's 52.6 to 47.4. (The first round was held last month, but no candidate won 50% of the vote.) The election, needless to say, is taking place in the shadow of the plane crash, in April, that killed then-President Lech Kaczynski and many of the country's top political and military leaders.

2) Mexico: The Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI), the socialist-cum-centrist de facto "state party" that controlled the country for over 70 years (under a few different names) -- until the center-right National Action Party (PAN) won the presidency in 2000 under Vicente Fox (and then again in 2006 under Felipe Calderón, when it also won pluralitis in both the Chamber of Deputies and the Senate) -- looked to make major gains in yesterday's local elections, including most of the 12 gubernatorial races, positioning it well ahead of the 2012 presidential election. (The Party of the Democratic Revolution (PRD), the other of the three major parties, has also been strong, with Andrés Manuel López Obrador running a close second to Calderón in '06. It heads the Coalition for the Good of All, a left-wing coalition that won more Chamber seats than the PRI's Alliance for Mexico coalition in '06.)

3) Japan: The world of sumo wrestling has been brought low by a series of scandals involving drugs, match-fixing, and gangsters, and now the Japan Sumo Association has banned a top wrestler for life for gambling on baseball -- yes, baseball -- and for paying off a gangster who blackmailed him. This doesn't appear to be a Pete Rose situation, but, scandals piling up, a sport steeped in tradition appears to be unravelling.

4) Nepal: If you're looking for a black market in small arms, why not try Thamel, Kathmandu's central tourist district? "Most tourists spend at least a day here before heading out into the country to go trekking or rafting. But in recent years, the cafes selling banana pancakes and vegetarian food have been joined by strip bars and dance clubs, many of them employing underage girls who have been trafficked into the capital from the countryside." Sounds charming.

Okay, that's it for now.

Craziest Republican of the Day: Haley Barbour

By Michael J.W. Stickings

I think we can all agree that it doesn't get much crazier, or blowhardian, than Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, a man who is as Republican as they come (and who therefore really ought to be the GOP presidential candidate in '12). On Fox News yesterday, Barbour said that "we have had virtually no oil" along the coast of his state, other than the usual "tar balls":

The average viewer to this show thinks that the whole coast from Florida to Texas is ankle-deep in oil... So it may be hard for the viewer to understand, but the worst thing for us has been how our tourist season has been hurt by the misperception of what is going on down here. The Mississippi Gulf Coast is beautiful. As I tell people, the coast is clear. Come on down!

I'm not sure what the "average viewer" thinks, but I think it's fair to say that most people who are paying any attention to the disaster in the Gulf are seized of its severity. No, the oil isn't "ankle-deep," but there still a lot of oil coming ashore, mostly (thus far) in Louisiana. Barbour is right that Mississippi has been spared, for the most part, but his comments are ignorant, insensitive, and misleading.

Simply put, the coast isn't clear, and it's only going to get worse over the summer and into fall as BP works to fix the leak. And the impact on wildlife, the environment, the fishing industry, tourism, and the economy, not to mention on the millions and millions of people affected by the disaster in one way or another, is immense. This is the reality of the horribly bleak situation along the Gulf Coast.

Meanwhile, as Think Progress notes:

Barbour has consistently refused to accept the gravity of the situation in the Gulf, and blamed the media for supposedly over-hyping the disaster. He's compared oil to tooth paste, said all the oil on Mississippi's beaches could barely "fill up a milk jug," and handed out gas cards to encourage tourists to "[c]ome on down here and play golf, enjoy the beach, catch a fish." Meanwhile, dead dolphins have washed ashore on Mississippi's beaches.

Barbour went on to suggest that President Obama was "destroying himself" by not adequately responding to the spill, but he had nothing negative to say of BP. Barbour -- who received $1.8 million from oil and gas companies for his gubernatorial campaign -- explained, "When we ask BP for something, they try to do it." The lobbying firm Barbour founded relied highly on oil industry clients, with Barbour personally lobbying for regulation changes to the Bush White House. 

Come on down? Please. I certainly don't wish harm on the people of Mississippi, who need their tourism and fishing dollars, but their governor's an idiot. (They need a real leader to help steer them through this crisis, not a right-wing cheerleader.)

Haley Barbour: a hyper-partisan, reality-denying ignoramus backed by the oil industry. He's a crazy blowhard, but he's pretty much your perfect Republican.

Don't cry for BP

By Michael J.W. Stickings

Poor BP. They caused the oil spill disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, even if Cheney and his pals deserve much of the blame, and they've already spent hundreds of millions of dollars to clean it up (not that it's going all that well, mind you). Makes you wonder... can it afford it? Of course it can. It's a freakin' oil giant:

On Monday, BP said it spent $350 million in the first 20 days of the spill response, about $17.5 million a day. It has paid 295 of the 4,700 claims received, for a total of $3.5 million. By contrast, in the first quarter of the year, the London-based oil giant's profits averaged $93 million a day.

The amount of oil leaking into the Gulf of Mexico has been estimated at 5,000 to 25,000 barrels a day. In the first quarter, BP produced 2.5 million barrels of crude oil a day worldwide -- and it received $71.86 for every barrel. 

Via Think Progress.