Who said Vaudeville is dead?

by Distributorcap

We all might have trouble deciding which Republican candidate (or potential candidate) is the most loathsome. But you have to admit - the current crop of GOP media stars are so entertaining, it is almost as if Vaudeville has finally made its much talked-about comeback.

For sheer entertainment value, there is nothing quite like the Sarah Palin show. Palin never fails to deliver something of value in the hilarity department - and for that all the comedy writers of the world should be eternally thankful. But I will say that the past three years have taken its toll on this former beauty queen and one-time MILF to the American male. Looking at her on the tube lately, you can see her testosterone raising skills are apparently hitting some bumps and grinds. The incredible hard-work she puts into making millions of dollars (which from looking at Palin is way tougher than governing Alaska), while not helping develop her intellectual skills (that is something no amount of money can buy), is showing up in the form of crow's feet and a more haggard look. And while Sarah still pops up on Fox to blather on about nothing (but she has recently talked about the fire in her belly for a Presidential run, whereas Todd is probably hoping there was some fire down below) - now apparently even her current boss, Roger Ailes, thinks she is an idiot.  From next week's New York Magazine:

"Roger is worried about the future of the country. He thinks the election of Obama is a disaster. He thinks Palin is an idiot. He thinks she's stupid. He helped boost her up. People like Sarah Palin haven't elevated the conservative movement."

To be beautiful and dumb is one thing - but to be haggard and dumb - well that is a horse (or rather moose) of a different color. Sarah's latest look shows that Fox News apparently spends more money on putting up incorrect graphics than on hair and wardrobe people. The faux-Jaclyn Smith hairdo combined with the faux-Jackie Kennedy pink jacket - proves that Fox really is Faux - and has no taste. Vaudeville might be old fashioned - but at least have some taste! Also to quote Rizzo from Grease "she's too pure to be pink."

Michele Bachmann also fits the entertainment playbill quite nicely. While almost as narcissistic as Palin (while narcissism is a required trait of all GOP women, it is hard to top Palin in that category) - Palin at least knows that Alaska is near Russia. Bachmann had trouble placing revolutionary war sites Lexington and Concord and claimed the founding fathers were the ones that eliminated slavery (probably from their re-education camps). But worse than her complete lack of knowledge of American history - Michele Bachmann, unlike Palin, is the real deal when it comes to teabagging. Bachmann time and time again demonstrates her complete contempt for the poor and needy and actually has a hand in making policy against the groups she so loathes. Palin, as a dyed-in-the-Chanel grifter, will say, do and believe anything for a buck.  But Bachmann, if nothing else, is a true believer.

Then there is Mittens. Mittens' problem is not so much that he is dumb like Palin (he isn't) or a true believer like Bachmann (he isn't either). Romney's big crime is that he is boring (and big no-no for the media - who only care if a politician can be entertaining), stiff (in the wrong way) and that he has absolutely NO principles. Plus the cable pundits really don't like him - he doesn't generate the ratings Palin or even Bachmann are capable of. Romney now must spend a huge chunk of his time (and money) defending and/or deflecting the health care policies he enacted as governor of Massachusetts - policies that the devil Obama used as a guideline. Instead of embracing what he did and owning up to it - he has said so many things to justify and distance - it actually makes him as entertaining as the cable pundits need him to be. He could be the new Jack Benny! But the long soap opera that is Mitt Romney - All My Flip-Flops - his on-stage persona makes him more like the Neville Chamberlain of Vaudeville than the Huey Long.

Then there is Rick "man on dog" Santorum. What he is even doing on the stage is beyond the scope of all reasoning. But the cable pundits find him entertaining - so in the scope of American political discourse today - I guess that means he is credible. Santorum has the good fortune of being described by one of John McCain's advisors as the dumbest Senator in 30 years. As his skit - Santorum has been using the running gag that John McCain - who was tortured for five years as a captor of the North Vietnamese - doesn't really understand torture. This is same man that brought home his wife's miscarried fetus for "show and tell." to his kids. The good thing is that Santorum's act will be dragged off quickly.

Then there is current center of the three ring circus - Newt Gingrich. Newt's opening act has been a bit rough and has gone back for several re-writes in the past week of so. Right Wing Social Engineering is a not a term to be bandied around the Vaudeville theater with the expectation of getting patrons to pay their dues. Neither is supporting Medicare or any other program the guys across the street might be playing on their bill.

But it is Newt's love of the little blue box that seems to be attracting the most curiosity in this bad act known as the Republican party. Gingrich (and his trophy wife - not the one with cancer) apparently ran up around $500,000 in bills at Tiffany's - the famed jeweler. Newt today defended his purchases at Tiffany's on Meet the Press.

"We're private citizens. I work very hard. We have a reasonably good income. I currently owe nothing except I owe one mortgage on a house that's a rental property in Wisconsin. Everything else is totally paid for. My home is paid for, my cars are paid for, we don't have a separate house. We don't do elaborate things."

Nope - $500,000 worth of Elsa Peretti hearts and silver pens is not what I would call elaborate. It is just the thing the everyday American does - spending $500,000 at Tiffany's. I just got back from the store myself.  It warms the audiences heart to know that Newt and Callista have such tragic problems deciding what to buy at Tiffany's (with those extended Bush tax cuts) while the very people who keep voting for lunatics like Palin, Bachmann, Romney, Santorum and Gingrich can't afford gasoline or food for their kids.

Two of the larger than life candidates - Huckabee and Barbour have both dropped out of the race (which should be a big relief to the carpenters who are building the stage to house these Vaudeville acts). Though I bet those same carpenters are worried about the potential entry of Chris Christie into the show.  Thanks to the policies of the GOP since Reagan and the decimation of every regulatory agency in the government, they just don't build stages like they used to.

I am not even going to get started with the arcade and sideshow acts of Ron Paul, Herman Cain and Gary Johnson.

And finally there is Tim Pawlenty - who like Romeny is boring, stiff and un-principled. But due to the fact he doesn't look as good as Romeny does on camera - poor T-Paw is going to be relegated to the role of understudy for Mittens.

As they say - the show must go on.