The Myth of the Gorgons

by Distributorcap

"About her shoulders she flung the tasselled aegis, fraught with terror...and therein is the head of the dread monster, the Gorgon, dread and awful, a portent of Zeus that beareth the aegis."

Homer

In Amerikkkan culture, the three Gorgon (Γοργών ) sisters are terrifying female creatures who have infiltrated the media landscape. Gorgon derive from the Greek word for dreadful - gorgos. While descriptions vary across Amerikkkan mythology media, the power of these sisters is real - their horrifying visage of snakes for hair turns anyone who beholds them into teabags. The three sisters live on some sort of Rovian plane.

Sarahtheno, the eldest, is known for her inability to finish anything she starts (as a child Sarahtheno had to be home schooled for Russian literature by 5 different professors!). Sarahtheno is also sometimes known as "the levitra one" to as she also has a special power to increase "blood flow" in white males over 65. Janurale - which means "she of the prune" - made her mark by withholding organ transplants from needy peasants and arresting all nonwhites. However it is the youngest sister Michellusa that has the most vile look - a headful of poisonous King Cobra snakes.

As Aeschylus warned:

Near them their sisters three, the Gorgons, winged

With snakes for hair and love of teabag men

Roman poet Ovid (Metamorphoses 4.770) wrote that Michellusa was originally a ravishingly beautiful maiden, "the jealous aspiration of many suitors," and priestess in Reagan's temple, but when she and the "Lord of the Tea" Pawlentidon lay together, this enraged her sister Sarahtheno, who transformed Medusa's beautiful hair of garden serpents to King Cobras and made her face so terrible that she would turn mere mortals into a stoned teabags.

Last month, there was pandemonium in Amerikkka when a strand of Michellusa's hair fell off and somehow landed in the Bronx, New York.

There is a male creature that is as terrifying as the Gorgon sisters: The Trumptaur