Friday, June 18, 2010

Sarah 867-5309

by Distributorcap

Last week, America's Queen of Energy - Sarah Palin - suggested the Obama call her for advice on plugging the Oil leak. We have a transcript of that call.

One ring-y ding-y. Two ring-y ding-y.

Hello, Barry its Sarah. I can't believe I finally got you. I have been trying to call you since you strongarmed, oops won the election, but for some reason your switchboard kept going dead on me. You really need to spend so money and hire good operators, not those rejects from ACORN. I finally got your direct line from Liz Hasselbeck. Liz stole it off Whoopi's blackberry, who has been exchanging texts with Michelle. It pays to have connections.

You know that leak-y oil-y thing-y in the Gulf of the United States. Well I betcha I have the answer to all your problems - and you don't even have to make me Secretary of State. You know that I was governor of the largest oil state. Let me just state that if those dims, um Democrats had allowed drilling in the Alaska National Welfare Refuge we wouldn't be in this position. But no-o-o-o-o.

But even though you and your terrorist friends got us into this mess, I love my country so much and I even love the pelicans more - I am going to give you the answer to all your problems. Two words - plug dikes. You should call the Norwayans and Hollanders. They have the bestest expertise in water spills and plugging dikes. They know how to stop spills, something that is missing from your resume. I have heard they offered to help, but either your peeps have not called them back or the switchboard is acting like a bunch of dictators. I told you needed new switchboard operators. Megan McCain needs a job, I can call John for you.

Oh by the way Barry, Todd used to work at BP until I became the bread winner and earned millions from Going Rogue. Have you read Going Rogue?, it is a much easier read than Hope of Audacity or whatever that book you wrote was titled. Back to Todd, I bet he could use his connections to get you a meeting with BP.

Thanks for your call Sarah, I appreciate all Americans reaching out to give there ideas on how to stop the oil lead in the Gulf of Mexico, not the Gulf of the United States. We have already spoken to the Dutch and the Norweigans about help, but I think this oil leak is a bit more complicated that a plugging the holes in dikes. I spoke with the CEO of BP today, but thank you for offering Todd's services - maybe you can offer them to your friend Michele Bachmann.

And while I have you - didn't you quit as Governor of Alaska halfway through partly due to the fact you could not take all the pressure going on around you? And if I am not mistaken, when Katie Couric asked you to name a Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade you couldn't even remember Exxon Shipping Company v. Baker, which was the Exxon Valdez oil case. And 21 years later, there are still environmental and financial problems due to that spill - that you did not clean up while your were governor for that very short period of time.

No Sarah, I think taking advice from someone who speaks like Max Headroom with the voice of Betty Boop and the brains of Wile E. Coyote is not in the cards today. But you have a nice evening Sarah, and please wave to Vladimir next time you see him through the fence.


Guys, that was Mooselini, who thinks I should plug the oil well like the Dutch plug the dikes.

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