The Reaction: Christ Slept Here: A Tale of Easter

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Christ Slept Here: A Tale of Easter

By J. Thomas Duffy

I can't help, each year, when Easter rolls around, to conjure up The Lazlo Letters, Don Novello's hysterical book, and think about the one he sent to a chocolate company (Hershey's, if I recall), saying to them, "Easter ... One man's misery is a chocolate company's dream," or something close to that.

Or, think about the traditional Easter Parade merging with the annual Doo-Dah Parade, and what that might look like.

So, along with the colored eggs, the chocolate, the cards, the candy, the parades, or whatever you may embrace for tradition, add to it The Garlic's special essay, "Christ Slept Here: A Tale of Easter."

What would you do if you woke up Easter Sunday morning and found Jesus Christ on your living room floor?

What was I going to say? I couldn’t lie to the guy! Besides, I had a hangover that showed me about as much mercy as an infomercial full of insurance salesman. The last thing I expected to deal with on Easter Sunday morning was to find Jesus Christ Himself lying on my living room floor.

He sipped his Ovaltine and sat quietly for a moment. Almost an hour had passed since I stumbled out from my bedroom and shouted “Jesus Christ”, only to receive an affirmative response. Now I found myself obsessed with what I was going to serve Him for breakfast.

[Snip]

“Try me again”, He shouted “What year is this?”

“Ah, two-thousand-seven, A.D. ... Ehh ... I mean ... You know ... After you ...”

“I see ... Do you have one of those television things that everybody seems to be talking about?”

Forgetting myself, I walked into the living room, handed him the remote control, and walked back into the kitchen. After a few minutes - and not hearing any sounds - I peered into the living room and found Him holding the remote in His hands - staring at it intently.

“Remarkable little thing”, he said noticing me. “But I’m not quite sure that I get it”