Canadian ecstasy

By Michael J.W. Stickings

"U.S. says Canada the top source for ecstasy," reads the headline at the Toronto Star, picking up a story from The Canadian Press, one that seems to have attracted quite a bit of attention up here.

I must say, though, I'm surprised.

I just don't see this country as "a state of being beyond reason and self-control," if I may quote the dictionary, or as "a state of overwhelming emotion" or "rapturous delight." That's just not very Canadian. If I may generalize, we're a nice, quiet, and polite people. Some might say "boring," but I'd like to think that we're decent, humane, socially and environmentally responsible, and, on the whole, good.

And I just don't know many Canadians who are in "a mystic or prophetic trance."

(Though I suppose the reality-denying delusions of Leafs fans must qualify. When you haven't won the Cup since '67, "overwhelming emotion," however crackpotted, can get the better of you. As a Habs fan, I share none of this, mind you.)

So, really, my American friends, you're just wrong about us. Please let your State Department know the truth!

(Oh Canada! Our home and native land!)

Wait... uh... did I miss something?

Oh.