State of the Nation

By Capt. Fogg

At his regular April First, State of the Nation news conference today, President George W. Bush announced that the blood running ankle deep in the streets of Iraq is proof that the "surge" has been successful enough that we can say "mission accomplished." Civilian deaths are up by more than 30% making March the deadliest month in the last half year.

It's the blood of patriots,

said Bush.

"Just like Tom Jefferson said every democracy needs. What better proof than that Iraqis are saying 'God, I love freedom!' - only maybe not God - I think they say Allah, heh, heh, heh."

Bush continued his optimistic evaluation by pointing out that since 28 million Americans are now on food stamps, the economic "rough patch" is over. He urged all of us to take our $600 handouts and go to Disneyland. White House Press Secretary Phineas T. Bluster had no comment about unconfirmed reports suggesting that the President is planning a surprise entrance to the New York Stock Exchange trading floor at today's close, where he will, dressed in cape and tights, descend from a cable to announce that happy days are here again.

Media reporters all had a great laugh at the silly, doom and gloom liberals who have been predicting rough times ahead.

(Cross-posted from The Impolitic.)