Monday, February 12, 2007

Sign of the Apocalypse #41: Over-the-counter hard-ons

By Michael J.W. Stickings

Once upon a time, and for thousands and thousands of years, men had erections. And did things with them. There was erectile dysfunction, no doubt, but humanity survived. Generations and generations of copulation, for procreation or for pleasure -- or for less admirable purposes.

Enter Pfizer. Enter Viagra. Enter Cialis and all the rest for all the others. The little blue pills were meant for a medical condition, or so it seemed, and that was a good thing. Why should men condemned to flaccidity, not to mention their partners, not enjoy the benefits of the erect penis? Modern medicine triumphed. Progress ruled.

But as with all other medication, it was not long before it was abused. After all, why should men not want to enjoy the benefits of the 72-hour erect penis? Or whatever. Think of the pleasure to be had. Think of the partners to be pleasured. Flaccidity -- be damned! The little blue pills could be taken by any and all, medical condition or not.

But where does it end?

For we have now arrived at this:

British pharmacy chain Boots will begin a trial program on Valentine's Day to offer men the anti-impotence drug Viagra without a prescription.

The initial pilot program is expected to last six months, and Boots will then consider whether to expand it to other pharmacies. The chain has about 1,500 stores across Britain.

The pilot will be offered in three of the chain's stores in the English city of Manchester, 300 kilometres northwest of London.

Would-be customers between the ages of 30-65 will be required to see a pharmacist, provide a medical history and have their blood pressure, cholesterol and glucose levels tested.


The cost? £50 for four little blue pills. Over here that means about $97 American, $115 Canadian. Pricey, no? Better make sure your partner's Viagra-worthy.

Think of the room for abuse here. Will the little blue pills end up with the dysfunctionally non-erectile? Or with the functionally erectile who just can't get enough? The pills were meant for a medical condition, but now, OTC, they may pose a health risk to a new generation of men who desire a pharmaceutical aid to fuel what normally comes naturally to them.

Behold the raging hard-on, a symbol of our pleasure-seeking time, surely a sign of impending civilizational apocalypse.

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5 Comments:

  • let's see...pill to wake up, pill to sleep, pill to relax, pill to screw, pill to stay alert, pill to get happy.

    i suggest a viewing of THX-1138 and call me in the morning.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:06 PM  

  • Or a reading of Brave New World. I'm convinced we'll all be taking some Soma-like cocktail of pharmaceutical "life-enhancers" before too long. You know, just the right amount of prozac, ritalin, viagra, etc. to get you through the day. And all washed down with a high-potency Starbucks brew.

    Good times.

    By the way, it's a pleasure to see you here, Nez. Thanks for dropping by. You're welcome anytime.

    By Blogger Michael J.W. Stickings, at 10:49 PM  

  • Um... huh?

    By Blogger Michael J.W. Stickings, at 11:54 AM  

  • Anybody over 50 is on some similar cocktail already Michael. The doctors love to prescribe pills for your ills.

    By Blogger Libby Spencer, at 12:31 PM  

  • michael, thank you man.

    and i think you are right about that cocktail. reminds me of that "vitamin water" junk. this health-head tonic could be called happiness water or something equally disturbing.

    i'll stick with whiskey and wine. or other equally honest poisons.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:49 PM  

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