Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Fox News damage control of the Ailes-Palin conflict, translated

Until Fox News flipped the damage control switch, the American public had a brief window of time to ponder the potential ramifications of the cable news giant's CEO, Roger Ailes, describing Sarah "Mama Grizzly" Palin as a "stupid" "idiot" who hasn't contributed a single wink that "elevated the conservative movement."

Thankfully, the Fox News executive vice president for programming, Bill Shine, cleared everything up for those who thought Fox News might actually take a stab at providing the public with credible, fact-based news reporting.

In Shine's own shining words, with paraphrased translations of what he meant:

"I know for a fact that Roger Ailes admires and respects Sarah Palin and thinks she is smart."

Translation: Ailes admires Hitler for his eloquent and inspiring speeches and his undeniable skill in employing bigoted propaganda to cajole the brainless masses into joining a revolution aimed at shedding the earth of filth. Palin doesn't come close, but Ailes gives her an A for effort.

"He also believes many members of the left-wing media are extremely terrified and threatened by her."

Translation: A millionaire with a penchant for sniping wolves from helicopters and blaming her failures as a vice presidential nominee on the “gotcha” media tactics of a certain (lucky-to-be-alive) CBS news host who asked such tricky questions as, “What newspapers and magazines do you read?” – that doesn’t merely instill fear in “many of the left-wing media.” It instills fear in “all wings of the media,” including Ailes, hence the damage control.

"Despite a massive effort to destroy Sarah Palin, she is still on her feet and making a difference in the political world."

Translation: With a limited arsenal of comebacks for such an articulacy-challenged demagogue, we must all acknowledge that standing is an accomplishment in and of itself, particularly for a serially pregnant former Wasilla beauty queen with a talent for blowing flutes and rolling around on her back on the well-manicured campus grounds of the five colleges she attended over a six-year period during her youth. As for the “massive effort” to destroy Palin, that was me exercising irony – a word Ailes and I both know is safe against the North Star blowback of Palinocalypse (because she thinks it has something to do with straightening wrinkled clothes); the only “massive effort” to destroy Palin, of course, was Palin. As for “making a difference,” that is an inarguable understatement whose lack of a modifier (positive, negative...) to the word “difference” ought not be overlooked.

"As for the 'Republican close to Ailes' for which the incorrect Palin quote is attributed, when Roger figures out who that is, I guarantee you he or she will no longer be 'close to Ailes.'"

Translation: The quote is incorrect because anybody who knows Ailes knows that his vocabulary is limited to the word “Nazi” whenever he’s referring to someone who annoys him. Furthermore, it’s not nice to tell the media about a close friend’s personal secrets, and Ailes is going to be really, really upset about his non-public thoughts being aired to the general public – especially when it is so terribly shocking how eerily in tune with the general public his personal feelings happen to be. That is not the Fox News philosophy.

(Cross-posted at Muddy Politics.)

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