Sunday, December 19, 2010

A league of his own

There are a TON of candidates for Douchebag of the Year -- but someone has to be the winner. After careful analysis of all the misstatements, lies, bullshit, and downright evil that comes out of the mouths of so many American politicians, pundits, and commentators, there are five that are so bad, so awful, and so mind-blowingly insane they just stand head-and-shoulders above the rest.

4th runner up - Louis Gohmert
3rd runner up - Steve King
2nd runner up - Michele Bachmann
1st runner up - Jim DeMint (who will take over for the winner if he/she is unable to fulfill his/her douchebaggery duties)

Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona

That is the face of someone only a mother could love, a mother who does not deserve to have maternity benefits covered by medical insurance because Jon Kyl does not need them. America, there are plenty of people in the U.S. Senate who need thorazine and/or intense psychoanalysis. But this is one senator who I can guarantee hasn't gotten laid in years. Maybe he can borrow a few Viagra pills from his buddy Rush.

The absolute idiocy and insanity that comes out of the mouth from the this piece of dreck from Arizona places him in a league of his own.

Here are some gems from the Jon Kyl Box of Douche. I know they read like typical Republican talking points, but somehow when this douchebag opens his pie hole, they just sound so much worse:

  • Kyl believes that tax cuts for the rich do not need to be offset or paid for -- after all, those uber-rich folks will let it all trickle down to the lowlifes around the country.
  • Kyl believes that unemployment insurance is a disincentive to work, that anyone who is on the government dole is nothing more than a leech on society.
  • Kyl believes that the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell could cost lives, since the soliders will be so busy singing show tunes and wearing matching Prada gun totes, they won't be able to fight.
  • Kyl believes that Harry Reid is a heretic and sacreligious because he is making the poor senators work up until (and maybe through) Christmas. Senators who are paid by the people of the United States and supposed to be working for the people, no matter the time of year.
  • Kyl is an opponent of arms control and is using every tactic in his arsenal to delay the START treaty ratification to next year, when there is less likely of a chance for approval. He wants to read the treaty NOW, considering he has had eight months to look it over.
  • Kyl believes in repealing the 14th amendment, since all those anchor babies are dropping all over Arizona.
  • Kyl thinks that we are rushing the debate on funding health care for the 9/11 responders. You know, the guys suffering from breathing problems and cancer. But those rich people who need the tax cuts...
  • Kyl believes in blocking every Democratic piece of legislation.
  • Kyl thought Sonya Sotomayor should not have been confirmed since some of her cases were overturned by the Supreme Court.
  • Kyl wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act.

But Kyl goes down the drain with this joke (a revamp of an old one) he told at the National Republican Senatorial Committee retreat:

According to a source who attended the meetings, Kyl told the assembled crowd a political version of the classic three-people-in-a-boat joke: "So Obama, Pelosi, and Reid are in a row boat, and it springs a leak and starts to sink. Who gets saved?

Answer: "The American people."

I guess comparing Obama to Hitler isn't enough.

Palin, Demint, McConnell, Bachmann, Gingrich, Angle, McCain -- all douchebags in their own right. Their antics, evil, and obstruction is pushing America to the brink. But this year, we just have to thank Jon Kyl for his unrequited devotion to the destruction of American society.

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