Saturday, July 19, 2008

Top Ten Cloves: Ways to tell tomatoes are safe again

By J. Thomas Duffy

News Item: Warning on Tomatoes Is Withdrawn

10. Barack Obama is switching from arugula to tomatoes.

9. Well, the Government says so, isn't that enough?

8. Whether they are safe, or not, Phil Gramm wants you to stop whining about them.

7. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft even believes eating tomatoes doesn't constitute torture.

6. Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain isn't joking that we should let the Iranians eat them, so they can die.

5. Nancy Pelosi is willing to put them on the table.

4. You're comfortable enough to remove your lawyer from your speed dial list.

3. Get Baby Alex to do a new spot, eating a tomato.

2. Lift from Popeye, and the Spinach Industry campaign, and have Whimpy say, "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a tomato today!"

1. The one big sign tomatoes are safe? Cindy McCain is back scouring the Internet for recipes to steal.

(Cross-posted at The Garlic.)

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