Sunday, December 10, 2006

The Natty Light version of Christianity

By Heraclitus

Since it's Sunday morning, why not a post on Christianity? A somewhat disapproving one, to be sure, but one which disapproves of a tiny strain or brand of Christianity in the name of a more genuine and less embarrassing version. The problem here is that I can hardly claim to be a Christian, so there might be something a bit supercilious about my doing so. It's why I never went to one of the Latin masses they performed on the campus where I was a graduate student. I didn't want to have to explain afterwards, "I'm an atheist; I'm just here for the aesthetics." So, far be it from me to tell others what their faith should look like. But, on the other hand, nothing should look like this. I'd try to describe it, but Twisty has already done so so well, I'll just quote her.

The nutjobs call themselves “Godmen” (slogan: “When Faith Gets Dangerous”) and, like most godmen, they’re idiots. Their beliefs, which appear to be have been synthesized from a mass inability to grasp that video games aren’t real, congeal around the romantic idea that Jesus was not a gentle, lamb-loving, leper-curing pansy, but was in fact the Jesinator, an American Navy Seal/superhero in steel-toed sandals running amok through Jerusalem, wrecking temples and — yes — swearing. So at their ritual meetings the Godmen — more than a few of whom, I suspect, struggle with teeny-peeny issues — sit around swearing like the asskicking he-man Jesus was, swelling with pride that they were blessed with the godly gift to be profane.

I wouldn’t give a flip about yet another dopey Christian delusion, except that this one’s got a built-in get-into-heaven-free card for dudes who purposely behave like pricks, and there’s a reciprocal clause which prohibits the women who for some reason haven’t dumped their Godmen yet from uttering a word about the toilet seat.

That’s right. They’ve actually worked the toilet seat thing into a religion! Hilarious!

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  • the name of a more genuine and less embarrassing version.

    There's a more genuine, less embarrassing version of Christianity?

    Wow. You learn something new every day!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:37 AM  

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