Thursday, August 18, 2005

Sign of the Apocalypse #14: The era of Diddy

As you know, I do this series here at The Reaction called "Signs of the Apocalypse" (see the right sidebar for all the links). But when I hear about stories like this one -- and Jon Stewart subjected it to his acute sarcasm the other night on The Daily Show -- I'm tempted to revert back to the original name I had for the series: "What the fuck?"

I mean, does anyone care? Well, surely some do. And surely I'm wasting a good post at The Reaction by even referring to it -- and while on vacation, for God's sake!

So what is it, you ask? Well, it concerns that icon of American culture, Sean Combs.

Surely you've heard of Mr. Combs. Perhaps you know him as Puff Daddy. Or Puffy. Or P. Diddy. Or that guy next to Jennifer Lopez (a.k.a., J-Lo).

Well, stop the presses. Stop the rotation of the earth and its annual orbit around the sun. Mr. Combs announced on Tuesday's Today Show -- which means it's official, of course -- that he'd like henceforth to be known as...


Yup. Diddy.

Why, you ask? Well -- if I may quote Diddy himself:

"I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans, and now we're closer. During concerts, half the crowd is saying 'P. Diddy,' half the crowd is chanting 'Diddy' -- now everybody can just chant 'Diddy'. Yeah, sure. Or did it have more to do with a sagging career and the need to remain in the spotlight by creating false news. I mean, come on, closer to his fans? Have you ever seen the guy, his entourage, and the wall of bling that separates him from reality? But I quote on: "I even started to get confused myself -- and when I'd called someone on the telephone it took me a long time to explain who I was. Too long. One word. Five letters. Period." Now my head hurts. Must be all that confusion. "To be honest, the unveiling of Diddy -- you gonna see that at the VMAs. You gonna see that in the entrance. You gonna see that swagger. You gonna see how I'm gonna navigate you through the journey. I'm gonna play my position, my role. The artists are gonna play their role. We're gonna have an incredible, incredible party." Role? What role? Journey? What journey?

Yes, in his own words, "the era of Diddy" is upon us.

But is he serious? Is any of this serious? And why are people actually taking him seriously? Why are the media giving him a platform from which to spew such outrageous nonsense? For how is this news? Even the lowest of lowbrow celebrity-oriented news? Shouldn't someone go to the window and shout, "I'm as annoyed as hell by this cynical, manipulative bullshit, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

Come on, do it. For all that is good and decent and honest and real in the world.

Because -- and I apologize for being so crass -- what the fuck?

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