Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Sign of the Apocalypse #6: Rob, Amber, and the "sanctity" of marriage

Tim Goodman is right (as usual). There's a lot of good (and some must-see) TV out there. Admittedly, I don't watch much of it, at least not the popular daytime or primetime fare. Aside from news and sports, I tend to stick to The Daily Show (my only must-see), the new Family Guy episodes, and Seinfeld, Simpsons, and Family Guy reruns (although, with those three shows on DVD, less so than before). Oh, and the Food Network. And whatever else I can find throughout my multi-hundred-channel digital cable package with movies and time-shifting. Fine, I'm a TV junkie. But I still don't watch much first-run stuff. Still, Goodman's top-10 + honourable mentions is an impressive list of artistic achievement for a medium that is rarely credited with much in the way of, well, artistic achievement. I concur with much of it. Aside from Desperate Housewives -- I gave it a shot, but came to the quick realization that it sucks. And I do not -- repeat, DO NOT -- watch American Idol or Survivor, neither of which I can stand. And, just for the record (not that Goodman much liked it either), I truly, utterly, and completely despised Everybody Loves Raymond -- good riddance.

All of which is to say, once again, that TV isn't so bad. Indeed, much of it is quite good. And some of it is truly extraordinary.

Of course, much of it is awful. Anything with Pat O'Brien, for example. Or Dr. Phil. (Hence my Sign of the Apocalypse #3 -- see here.) Or Nancy Grace, perhaps the most reprehensible television personality of all. Or anything on Fox News. Or all those inane "reality" shows -- you know the ones I'm talking about. Don't tell me you haven't seen them...

Which brings me to this gem:

Rob and Amber Get Married, a two-hour special tonight on CBS. In fact, I can hear it in the background, arousing my irritation, frustration, and gastrointestinal fortification with each passing second. Yes, that Rob and that Amber, they of Survivor and Amazing Race fame. They whose 15 minutes were up a long, long time ago. How is this possible? No, seriously, I want to know. How? Tell me.

I can't wait for:
Rob Knocks Up Amber
Rob and Amber Have Twins
Rob and Amber Go Through a Mid-Life Crisis
Rob and Amber Become Swingers
Rob and Amber Fall in Love With Other Former Survivors
Rob and Amber Get Divorced, American-Style
Rob and Amber Do Amazing Race 37
Rob and Amber...

Is anyone else out there as thoroughly pissed off as I am? I wish someone would drop the nuclear option on the both of them and let us move forward in peace.

(Speaking of The Amazing Race, who the hell is Bertram von Munster?)


UPDATE: A funny piece in Slate on the ironic moralism of Desperate Housewives. I concur. It was fine, at first, but then it was revealed for what it is: way-behind-the-curve, annoyingly melodramatic social satire without much of a point.

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