Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Sign of the Apocalypse #2: Britney on TV

Who's the guy in the back? Posted by Hello

Here's a new feature at The Reaction: Signs of the Apocalypse.

Which is to say, signs that the Apocalypse, however understood, is right around the corner, or at least signs that our civilization is crumbling into oblivion. Now, there are many obvious signs, real or imagined, such as frogs falling from the sky or devil sightings or the Red Sox winning the World Series -- the Maple Leafs winning the Stanley Cup would truly be an apocalpytic event, not just a sign (let's not go there). From time to time, I will point out more subtle, or at least less obvious, signs. A few weeks ago, I mentioned, for example, Avril Lavigne's win for Best Artist at the Junos (Canada's Grammys), a good #1. Now let me offer Sign #2, a three-part sign involving no less a cultural giant than Britney Spears:

1) Britney's new "reality" show -- called Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, perhaps the worst TV show title ever. The good news is that, as of now, it's just slated to be a six-episode series, starting May 17 on UPN (can anyone name another show on UPN? I didn't think so). The bad news is that -- cue the Apocalypse -- it will feature "exclusive, never-before-seen private home videos they shot themselves during their courtship, engagement and wedding". Ouch. To steal a joke from Jon Stewart, that's gotta give you brain damage. Otherwise, it's obviously just a Jessica & Nick rip-off. But how low are you on the cultural scale when you're just a rip-off of something that sucked? The only reason to watch will be to determine who's stupider, Jessica or Britney. My guess: a toss-up, but those who watch Chaotic will be the stupidest of all.

2) Britney's website. Yes, it's that bad.

3) Britney's pregnancy test. This is bizarre. According to reports, an online casino, Golden Palace, has bought one of Britney's used pregnancy tests (I'm not sure if it's the positive one) from a radio station, which allegedly found it in the trash outside Britney's Los Angeles hotel room a few months ago, for US$5,001. Said a Golden Palace spokesman: "It's hard to put a price on Britney Spears's urine." (Indeed.) To be fair, this isn't Britney's fault, and she deserves no further blame here for summoning the Apocalypse. Online gaming (and casino gambling in general) is a huge, flashing Sign of the Apocalypse, and this story only provides further confirmation.

Truly, we have much to fear.

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