Sunday, November 07, 2010

Change of Scenery: Planet of the Apes

We all know that all movies undergo thousands of rewrites -- most of them end up having stories by committee (that is why most of them suck). The premise of "Change of Scenery": what if one key scene in a movie was changed - either the dialogue, plot line or visual -- and the change was made by just one person? Just how different would that movie be -- and perhaps how much more relevant to current day America.

**** Please send me suggestions of specific movies you would like to see rewritten and updated (use my email so we can keep the surprise, and I will let you know, because this will work better if I have actually seen the movie). ****

Here was the original change of scenery post which is more relevant that ever:

The first movie that will undergo a key scene change and rewrite is Planet of the Apes (the excellent 1968 original, not the crappy 2001 remake). Planet of the Apes is a classic science fiction movie about three astronauts who crash land on a planet where apes rule and humans are hunted. It was written by Rod Serling (The Twilight Zone) and based on the French novel by Pierre Boulle. The twist ending (which Serling altered from the book) is one of the most famous in all of cinema history. Let's see if we can improve on that.

And now, Planet of the Apes-Rewrite, starring Charlton Heston, Kim Hunter, Roddy McDowall, Maurice Evans, and Linda Harrison:

 Taylor: The way you humiliated me? All of you? YOU led me around on a LEASH!
Cornelius: That was different. We thought you were inferior.
Taylor: Now you know better.

You are a menace. A walking pestilence.

Doctor, would an ape make a human doll that TALKS?

Dr. Zauis: Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death.

Dr. Zaius: The Forbidden Zone was once a paradise. Your breed made a desert of it, ages ago.

Taylor: A planet where apes evolved from men? There's got to be an answer.
Dr. Zauis: Don't look for it, Taylor. You may not like what you find. (change begins here!!!!!)

Taylor: Uh-oh.

"Oh my God... you elected her! You really did it... Damn you all to hell!"

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  • That's actually very damn funny! I was prepared for some cheesy pun or something, but that's really good. Well done!
    Can't improve on that one...

    By Anonymous squatlo, at 8:45 PM  

  • Agreed. Good job. Plus I LOVE Planet of the Apes.

    By Blogger creature, at 9:05 AM  

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