Monday, October 08, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: How history would be different if Bush & Co. were the ones to first discover America

News Item: The DNA Age; Seeking Columbus’s Origins, With a Swab

By J. Thomas Duffy

10. We would now be celebrating Dick Cheney Day in October.

9. All the crew, from all the ships, would be Stop-Lossed, and forced to serve another 15 months.

8. Critics of the expedition would be branded as "Viking sympathizers and appeasers".

7. Bush would set out to prove his bigger goal, that the world was flat, which would include invading and occupying Iraq.

6. Native population would be immediately declared "Enemy Combatants" and shipped off to Cuba for detention.

5. Burning Spear's song "A Damn Blasted Liar" would still be apropos.

4. 2nd Mate Paul Wolfowitz would boast that the new land's natural resources would pay for the expedition.

3. History would show conch shells to be the early, rudimentary beginnings of the NSA Illegal Wiretapping program.

2. 1st Mate Donald Rumsfeld would deflect criticism by saying, "You set sail with the ships you have, not the ships you might want or wish to have at a later time."

1. Best of all, Captain Bush would start issuing "Signing Statements" and go about making up the law as he went along.

Happy Dick Cheney Day Links

BBC: They Discovered America

Franklin W Knight: The legacies of Christopher Columbus

James Carroll: A troubling turn in American history

(Cross-posted at The Garlic.)

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